Travelindreamworld…

akhir2 ini merasa beban dan cobaan hidup yang diterima melebihi kemampuan diri untuk menanggung itu semua.

bertubi2 datang cobaan dan cobaan lagi, well cukup satu kata, fyuh.. mungkin saya kurang doa, atau amalan2 saya ga dilakukan dan diniatkan dengan ikhlas.

yang saya yakin sih cuma satu, falsafah hidup saya sampai detik ini juga, bahwa hidup hari ini akan menguatkan hidup esok hari.

entah akan ky apa hidup saya esok hari, tapi yg jelas hidup hari ini akan menguatkan saya untuk ke depannya.

lalu… yasudah hidup memang kaya gitu, hihi gajelas banget yah..

mau nangis, ga akan mengembalikan apa yg hilang dan apa yg dilakukan, tp sesekali melegakan yasudah lalu saya nangis aja yang banyaaaaak..

terus tiduur. kalo tidur, ga kerasa beban2 hidup, ga kerasa kesedihan2 yang mendera, bhkan kadang2 saya gamau bangun2, pengennya tidur lagi tidur lagi..

tapi saya bukan pengecut sodara-sodara..

klo hidup sudah kejam, saya bisa lakukan yg lebih kejam lagi..

hohohho

LDR SUCKS!

now distances really really separate everything.

I know nothing..

what is now I should have to believe?

I’m trying. trying very very hard..

but what do I get?

wuoooh my tasks are never never be completed indeed I write here first before I move on into another tasks. I am completely tired, so Im trying for something I’m not die for which if it is happened, it may probably caused by tons of work.

lastly I feel nostalgia just like years ago,  for reviewing the breaking dawn, the last part of twilight saga. for me, it is no so special love story. but what makes me fascinated is that the character, bella and edward are very very much similar to me, and him, of course.

I feel like I’m watching my own love life, I dont know why but naturally I own many bela’s character. to love and to be loved. simply that way, Edward has a perfect way to love Bella more that she could imagine. I like them staring each other, how their emotions could beat their ego, and how decision to keep their ‘uncommon’ love still ongoin stronger and stronger.

Bella knows edward is uncommon, but she still love him no matter what. on the other hand, edward knows bella is also uncommon  to him, he feels like this person has something unsual, which makes him feel different and want to be closed anytime.

and love doesnt have to be ruled, even the most uncommon people could love each other, then love happened for no reason,just happened. love doesnt need to be perfect, but it needs to treat perfectly over.

aaah its only my fantasy how love would be soo passionate as like that. I dont know, but recently fallin in love for me is a very dangerous experience I have never imagine. I could breakthouh any border which could precluded my desire or passion. well, it is not that scary, I’m still normal and standing on the earth, not flying away into the sky..

and yes its true, love come in a strange way, and I feel like he was a stranger, maybe he felt that too. we were stranger for first.

many people ask me why I still love him until now, why I still surviving although many bad things happened. why you still bla-bla-bla…

you know, I have one only reason to this, this just I am uncommon.

yes I am uncommon. I am not ordinary person who run away of problems, I am not coward. I take my decision, I love him no more, and I will keep him till the last no matter how hard it is. because I promise God I really wanna marry him.

we’re now separate. it is not even better. he’s umcommon for me. how he treats me with the way I don’t even understand why. sometime I get mad, sometimes I get bored. but I know he did it for me, just for no other reason, except love.

we still keep loving in uncommon way.

maybe I’m blind now, or deaf, or whatever, but I am not stupid.

but I cant stand to be so faaar away like this for years.

I keep yelling everyday to call, just a simple call, what are you going to do today, and I am living my life.

dont know how long I have to keep like this. and yes, i still uncommon..

Dalam Subuh yang damai ini, kami menyadari bahwa bukan rendahnya temperatur yang paling membekukan kehidupan, tapi rendahnya keberanian.

Telah banyak jiwa yang sejatinya pandai, berbakat, dan berimpian tinggi – yang membeku karena rasa takut.

Apa pun yang direncanakannya, apa pun kelengkapan persiapannya, dan apa pun yang telah didoakannya kepada Tuhan dan yang dimintakan nasehatnya dari sesamanya, dia tetap tidak bergerak.

Rasa takut membekukan selincah-lincahnya hati, mengkakukan sefasih-fasihnya lidah, melumpuhkan sesehat-sehatnya tubuh, dan memandulkan seindah-indahnya bakat.

Tuhan kami Yang Maha Melapangkan,

Tenagailah kesungguhan kami untuk menjadi jiwa-jiwa yang damai dalam keikhlasan untuk melakukan yang harus kami lakukan untuk menjadi semakin Kau kasihi, dan menghindari yang menjadikan kami merasa jauh dari kasihMu.

Tuhan kami Yang Maha Perkasa,

Bebaskanlah kami dari rasa takut ini, murnikanlah keikhlasan kami kepada tuntunan kebaikanMu, besarkanlah keberanian kami untuk melakukan yang justru kami takuti, dan luaskanlah pandangan hati kami – agar tak ada masalah yang tampil lebih besar daripada kemampuan kami dan daripada pendampinganMu.

Engkaulah Tuhan kami,

Damaikan, kuatkan, dan beranikan hati kami – untuk memenuhi harapanMu – agar kami menjadi sebaik-baik manusia, yang bermanfaat bagi sesama kami.

Aamiin

I’m just too much afraid,

maju terus.. anything happen, dont let fear burden you.

yes I know I can do it. sedikit lagi ko..

astagfirullah..

saya bosan, saya kira saya mulai bosan..

kayana dia juga begitu.

terus harus gimana?

step aside for a while, do the things I should have to do..

tapi ga fokuus…

ayo berjuang!

daripada berantem terus yang ujungnya saling sakit menyakiti lagi

ah susahnya jadi otak kanan disaat dunia harus diotak kirikan..

okelah,

parrasetamol 500 mg satu butir.

cukup untuk hari kelabu ini..

No success without pain.

I found video of Charice, it is truly inspirational for me. If you don’t know about Charice, you can googling it. well everybody has their own way into success. even the most unexpected way but I believe God has prepared us for the things come up in our life. sometimes we dissappoint because the result we’ve got from our effort is not yet satisfying. but believe, God never been disspoint us. God always give us the best part in our best moment, the time He knows the best to give the things we worth to get.

Charice made it. and many many people I know made it. one most important thing from the story behind their succes, and also the crucial key rule for success is really really near to us. yes, it is the prayer from our parent. the hope from our parent.

so, as your parent still alive, pray everyday for them. wish them happiness and heaven. cherish them with your good stories. tell them everything you had, sadness, madness, anything.. they like to cheer you back, give your spirit up..

I’m going mad with my routinity, but I’ll do this for my parent. I’ll do my best for mama bapa. I won’t dissappointed them.

I dedicate all my efforts to them. because I promise God to give happiness to them.

bismillahirrahmairrahim for this week…

scientists investigate that which already is, engineers create that which has never been

-albert eisntein

itu status saya di FB hari ini. well, jurnal mekanisme pemecahan molekul air ini memberikan saya insight baru mengenai scientist and what they exactly did.

pada akhirnya membuat saya berpikir banyaaaak sekali tentang passion saya sebenarnya apa sih?

tapi kalo dipikir2 lagi, memecahkan suatu teka teki alam, mempelajari mekanisme sesungguhnya yang terjadi, bisa jadi inspirasi bagi engineer2 itu dalam merekayasa sesuatu berdasarkan mekanisme yang sudah ada.

saya pengen jadi scientist aja!

hehehe

*yang engineer mah suami saya aja ntr

Amin ya Allah..