not so, I hope this is my last deal with chemistry.

I love chemistry, it is the way to unravel the universe but I’m not so into it. It is too ‘high’ for me, beyond my persistence.

But science always make me fascinated. everytime I hear that words, I found my world.

It is no as boring as I learn history or sociology, as I directly slept in class although the teacher was just speaking for half-hours.

or not so complicated as economic or accountancy, which I don’t know how to manage those management or money stuffs.

I’m not soo social things. I’m just set my mind into this— big,diverse universe.

natural sciences always make me fascinated. I couldn’t imagine how difficult it was to solve an integral equation, but beyond my confuseness, I found something awesome.

It is hard to explain that an equation reflects many many things. an equation is how scientist describe the nature, universe.

Is is me, someone silly who fell in love in science since I knew it.

more than anything in this world.

bermimpi yang tinggi tinggi sekali, gak dilarang kan?

saya mau jadi scientis selamanya.

itu mimpi saya yang tinggi tinggi sekali..

tapi entah ya, usaha untuk memahami si protein his-tagged sampai sekarang rasanya belum maksimal. dan belum pernah maksimal. kendala lainnya adalah mahalnya resin buat purifikasi. Selain itu, kepercayaan dari dosen pembimbing saya.

hm hm hm, entah ini TA akan kaya apa hasilnya nanti. yang jelas saya menemukan dunia saya yg sebenarnya, research. menyenangkan, ketika mengonsep kerjaan, terus males ngerjainnya, tapi setengah mati saya seret kaki saya ke kampus, eh beres juga kerjaan. apalagi kalau hasilnya bagus. wuuuh it’s about satisfaction.

bikin kurva standar, terus regresinya linear, wuuuuh senangnya hati ini. produksi enzim, pengotor di SDSnya sedikit, wuuuuh ga kerasa cape2 ngerjain 4 hari berturut2. Gimana ya rasanya kalo pemurniannya berhasil? hehehehe, terbang aja saya.

Demi TA, saya ga pernah maen-maen lagi. jarang banget bisa kemana-mana, karena memang harus fokus di lab. sekali lagi, it’s about choices. kesenangan diganti dengan cita-cita yang tercapai. hehe

kerja keras dan fokus. Bismillah, SAYA BISA!

I prefer to call ‘wishlists’ rather than ‘resolution’ for 2012. Nande mo?  Because everytime I make resolutions, it never work. haha

yes, I am lack of consistency, but nevermind. life is changing, right? sometimes we need to fail thousand times before we know what is success really mean to us.

so, what are my 2012 wishlists? here are some of them.. *I won’t tell you whole because It’s really really private for me :p

Getting accepted in Tokodai plus plus the Monbusho

I have passed the Graduate School selection for 2012 admission, also get accepted in Ohta’s laboratory. I’ll tell you the story later, but believe the processes were much tiring. But again thanks Allah. Man jadda wajada, Man shabara zhafira really really worked for me. I called it miracle.

Yes two steps ahead. Acceptance from university and monbusho candidate. Man shabara zhafira, orang yang bersabar akan beruntung.

Graduating on July

I really wish that this semester is my last deal with chemistry. Bismillah. ini tangga pertama menuju pencapaian yang lebih tinggi.

ohhh TA, please be kind to me. You know, I watched many motivational videos and self-development books when I feel soo lazy to do those last year project works. I have to be more focus on my works because I really hope that the result is  good enough to make a publication.

Then, I will be Nur Akmalia Hidayati, S.Si yiipie.. ^^V

Learning Sundanese dance

I don’t know, why I suddenly want to learn sundanese dance . But I feel awkward while realizing myself that I only learn Aceh’s dance for whole of my life. Knowing the fact that I am a PURE sundanese, and I CAN’T dance even Jaipongan the famous one. ooooh I feel like, where is my KECINTAAN GW PADA TANAH SUNDA?

I only play Suling a little, knowing the notes da mi na ti la da.. enough. Nothing at all.  maybe I should call Citra for realizing this plan, wkwkwk..

Writing more, then submitting to a media

I miss writing. short story, article, opinion.. I really want to make a good writing soo I can submit it to Kompas or other national magazine. I miss the time when I interacted with the journalist. It’s much fun! I really want to learn how to make a good writing. aaah  I wanna be writer someday. I hope I can make money from writing. haha but it doesn’t become my reason to write, I want to inspire people with my writing, that’s all.  Ahmad Fuadi said when you want to make a writing, just determine what is your purpose to write. Maka, tulisan anda tidak akan terlihat ‘galau’.

Getting Married

this is absurd. many people are doubt to be married in relatively young age. but hey I’m 22, I’m getting older! I am not a teenager anymore, I suppose to do things more seriously. and I am absolutely serious when I said, I want to get married this year. Why? because I’m moslem, I don’t want to make more sin because of zina. Saya pingin menggenapi agama dengan menikah. Melengkapi doa sepasang bidadari. Remember Ippho Santosa? he said that our succes is determining by the pray of a pair of angle. Which means, tak lain dan tak bukan adalah orang tua dan pasangan hidup kita. I don’t care what people said, tapi yang saya yakini sampai detik ini adalah menikah akan membuka pintu-pintu rezeki yang lebih lebar.

secara eksplisit saya sudah bilang sama Mamah dan dia,  dan kalo lancar, hopefully it will happen for this year. saya gamau jadi doktor dengan status single, men..

Hehehhehe that’s all my wishlist I would like to share. intinya, kejarlah dunia dengan niat akhirat, Insya Allah mendapat syafaat dari Allah terus menerus. Orang yang berhasil di dunia, belum tentu berhasil di akhirat. jadi ingatlah bahwa semuanya akan berakhir, dan pada akhirnya hanya pertemuan dengan Allah lah yang pasti.

jangan galau, jangan ragu, hidup ini terlalu singkat dan indah untuk dinikmati.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim, 2012 is the year where all my DREAMS COME TRUE!!

katanya..

“aku sibuk, gak ada waktu untuk urusin mama kamu..”

I almost don’t believe that he said this to me. saya ga percaya…

mau solat aja yg banyak ya Allah..

rasanya saya mau nangis lagi…

what things you consider as a home?

or what is a home you called it right now?

this post might contain some anecdotes about HOME. yes, home.indeed or so-kind-of.

for me, home doesn’t need to be luxurious. but it should be fit with myself, where I really belong to. A place where I begin, and perhaps  where I end up. A place that always be my destination while I start my journeys. A place where I don’t need to cover anything about myself, a place where I can lay all day long and not blaming anyone else because I’ve been so lazy and not doing any at all ;P

a home is a place where I stay away from stress, caraziness, of the world..

a place where I can meet my family and him.

It is the things I called ‘home’..

Sometimes we just need to stay away for a while, to get back home.

yes!! totally that’s why I love traveling.

what’s the meaning of travelling?

to unravel a way getting back home. yeah I definitely state traveling is a way to get back home.

as human sometimes we get lost of our direction. probably deficience of courage. not having any passion to do of something. If it is happened, it reminds us that we need to get off works and do TRAVELING! yes, traveling baby.

traveling reminds us that this life is too short to be regretted. there are still sooooooo many things, many things we should pursue and enjoy in our days. remember, we don’t live forever, so let’s make use of our days remain with certain activity that make us alive!

If you feel alive, then it means you are a way getting back home, yes you have found a way getting back home.

sesuatu yang kita sebut rumah, seringkali bukan di tempat yang seharusnya kita sebut rumah. ngerti ga?

bisa saja kita menemukan rumah yang sebenarnya bukan di rumah kita sendiri, yang sehari-hari kita tempati. bisa saja kita menemukan sebuah rumah di tempat nun jauh disana dengan seseorang yang entah siapa.

tapi buat saya, rumah artinya menemukan hakikat keberadaan diri sendiri. buat apa saya hidup, akan kemana hidup saya selanjutnya. Instead of dreaming a high luxurious home, I choose to search a home by myself. what home fits in me soo much.

buat saya, kriteria rumah ga harus mewah, cukup settle sama saya at the first moment, tadaima! saya pulang..

buat saya yang jarang pulang banget, pulang itu jadi suatu kemewahan. berbeda sm teman2 saya yg mungkin tiap hari pulang ke rumah, saya seringkali mati2an nyempet2in pulang ke rumah. bahkan kalau bener2 ga bisa, saya mencari2 ‘rumah’, ya ‘rumah’ yang bisa bikin saya nyaman pas gabisa pulang. atau kalo sudah desperate menganggap sesuatu ‘rumah’ di saat ga ada tempat lain untuk bernaung. hehehe

tapi pengalaman mencari rumah ini telah membuat saya traveling. berkelana ke sana kemari sekadar mencari rumah yang pas di hati. hihi

ternyata oh ternyata, rumah-rumah saya ini dekat di hati jauh di mata. dan terkadang saya bisa dengan cepat nyaman di suatu tempat, jatuh cinta dengan tempat itu, dan keburu menganggap tempat itu rumah.

Kalau saya pergi ke suatu tempat. menetap di sana untuk beberapa waktu, saya bisa merasakan. apakah tempat itu bisa jadi rumah untuk saya atau tidak. ternyata oh ternyata, suatu rumah yang dulunya nyamaaan untuk ditempat, tempat kembali paling oke, bisa jadi    tempat paling menyebalkan bagi saya, saat ‘rumah’ saya yang lain pindah. just like when he went away, at that time Bandung became the most annoying city for me to live a life. but fortunately, my sister is coming to town! yeay I have another new home to live in. tetap sama, tapi ada yang berubah. berbeda menyenangkannya tapi yaa bisa ditempati, hehe.

jadi buat saya, rumah adalah finding the neverland. akan selalu ada tempat yang menyenangkan bersama orang-orang yang menyenangkan juga. that’s why I never  stop to find another new home to live in..

and I really wish that I’m gonna find my new home this year. Amin ya Allah..

Mama , Bapa, Nurul, Rani, Aa.. thank for always providing a home for me..

Love you all always.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEE!!!!!

Thank you Allah..for the opportunity of this life You’ve had offered me till today.

Thank you.. Thank you Thank you Allah, for always be on my side in wherever, whenever I am.. guide me with pain, happiness, sour, happy, sweet life..

Thank you for giving me such amazing, faithful parents who’ve been soo perfect to me.. They always be the first one who greet me with ‘happy birthday, teteh liaa!’ so lovely ^^

Thank your for giving me such cute, lovely sister who’s saying ‘happy birthday, teteh’ with sillyness..

Thank you for giving me such very loyal best friends who say ‘happy birthday, nuuy’ , although I’m not mention my birthday date on my facebook page ;P

lovely 22, and I love the age, I love the combination of 22..

because 2 always be my favorite number, I don’t know why. maybe people like number 1, but I love number 2, as I love even number rather than odd number. hahhahahahha weird!

beside that, 22 means sacred for me. this age is my prove!

I’ll prove that I will graduate from chemistry in July, going abrod to Japan, get the scholarship for master, becoming mooore mature and study moore passionately. I will be a better moslem too.. I hope I could fullfill my ‘nazaar’ if everything turn to be smooth as my plan arranged.

Bismillah Ya Allah..

Life is sequence of choices.

I have to be more consistence, and not suppose to act like ‘galau’ girl all the time..

yeyeyyeyeyeyeyye onece again,

HAPPY 22 TO MEEE!!!! >O<

but untill now, it hasn’t been showed..just a little bit of hope I doubt it will happen to me.

I’m not so-kinda-people-pessimistic but this is reality!

I don’t get what I really wish for in this life.

okay, this hasnt been over yet, but how do I get myself not to crazy for this unresolved future?

hey someone out there, do you realize that a bit words from you mean a billion hope for my future??

please please please Alllah show me my way.

If I have to SURRENDER for NOW, I will.

but please please please show me the way.

*this phase of life is kinda ******** crazy aaaaaaaaaaaaah

bertubi2 datang cobaan dan cobaan lagi, well cukup satu kata, fyuh.. mungkin saya kurang doa, atau amalan2 saya ga dilakukan dan diniatkan dengan ikhlas.

yang saya yakin sih cuma satu, falsafah hidup saya sampai detik ini juga, bahwa hidup hari ini akan menguatkan hidup esok hari.

entah akan ky apa hidup saya esok hari, tapi yg jelas hidup hari ini akan menguatkan saya untuk ke depannya.

lalu… yasudah hidup memang kaya gitu, hihi gajelas banget yah..

mau nangis, ga akan mengembalikan apa yg hilang dan apa yg dilakukan, tp sesekali melegakan yasudah lalu saya nangis aja yang banyaaaaak..

terus tiduur. kalo tidur, ga kerasa beban2 hidup, ga kerasa kesedihan2 yang mendera, bhkan kadang2 saya gamau bangun2, pengennya tidur lagi tidur lagi..

tapi saya bukan pengecut sodara-sodara..

klo hidup sudah kejam, saya bisa lakukan yg lebih kejam lagi..

hohohho

now distances really really separate everything.

I know nothing..

what is now I should have to believe?

I’m trying. trying very very hard..

but what do I get?

lastly I feel nostalgia just like years ago,  for reviewing the breaking dawn, the last part of twilight saga. for me, it is no so special love story. but what makes me fascinated is that the character, bella and edward are very very much similar to me, and him, of course.

I feel like I’m watching my own love life, I dont know why but naturally I own many bela’s character. to love and to be loved. simply that way, Edward has a perfect way to love Bella more that she could imagine. I like them staring each other, how their emotions could beat their ego, and how decision to keep their ‘uncommon’ love still ongoin stronger and stronger.

Bella knows edward is uncommon, but she still love him no matter what. on the other hand, edward knows bella is also uncommon  to him, he feels like this person has something unsual, which makes him feel different and want to be closed anytime.

and love doesnt have to be ruled, even the most uncommon people could love each other, then love happened for no reason,just happened. love doesnt need to be perfect, but it needs to treat perfectly over.

aaah its only my fantasy how love would be soo passionate as like that. I dont know, but recently fallin in love for me is a very dangerous experience I have never imagine. I could breakthouh any border which could precluded my desire or passion. well, it is not that scary, I’m still normal and standing on the earth, not flying away into the sky..

and yes its true, love come in a strange way, and I feel like he was a stranger, maybe he felt that too. we were stranger for first.

many people ask me why I still love him until now, why I still surviving although many bad things happened. why you still bla-bla-bla…

you know, I have one only reason to this, this just I am uncommon.

yes I am uncommon. I am not ordinary person who run away of problems, I am not coward. I take my decision, I love him no more, and I will keep him till the last no matter how hard it is. because I promise God I really wanna marry him.

we’re now separate. it is not even better. he’s umcommon for me. how he treats me with the way I don’t even understand why. sometime I get mad, sometimes I get bored. but I know he did it for me, just for no other reason, except love.

we still keep loving in uncommon way.

maybe I’m blind now, or deaf, or whatever, but I am not stupid.

but I cant stand to be so faaar away like this for years.

I keep yelling everyday to call, just a simple call, what are you going to do today, and I am living my life.

dont know how long I have to keep like this. and yes, i still uncommon..